Adan: 0:00

here we are having some lovely banter, but trying to maintain that, that energy, that candor,

Jamie: 0:07

pants.

Adan: 0:07

and trying to keep my pants off enough to satisfy certain individuals,

Rebecca: 0:13

We're not doing that here. Move on. We're not doing that.

0:19

I am Jamie. And I'm Rebecca. Welcome to the Burnout Collective.

Jamie: 0:27

Hello.

Adan: 0:29

Hi,

Rebecca: 0:29

Welcome back.

Jamie: 0:30

Welcome back

Adan: 0:31

thanks for having me.

Jamie: 0:33

welcome to this guy.

Adan: 0:35

Me.

Jamie: 0:37

Yes. Welcome to our guest, Ahan Ina Hosa, someone who most of you probably know as manic Socratic, because I swear to God you can't drop his real name in his stream chat. He gets mad. I've done it.

Adan: 0:54

It is mutual respect for everyone who participates in my stream. As far as I'm concerned. Whatever name pops up in chat is the name Your mama scribbled on your birth certificate. That's all I'm sticking to. I'm not gonna dox you. You are

Jamie: 1:07

you have called me Jamie once or twice though, in

Adan: 1:10

Yeah, but you're, you're pretty open about being Jamie online. Your, your username is at Jamie. Alright,

Jamie: 1:15

Thanks so

Rebecca: 1:16

we'll make sure to drop everyone's address and social security in the show notes. You guys don't worry about it.

Jamie: 1:20

we'll put it, we'll put it in the show notes. We'll put it in the show notes. Oh my God. The amount of times I said that on last week's show was we awful. thank you so much for the sub Torah and thank you so much for the sub

Adan: 1:32

Hi. Hi Torah.

Jamie: 1:35

welcome in everybody. today we're gonna talk about, this is something that we've talked about having a don on for a long time, is like streamer burnout and getting burnt out as like a live content producer. I don't have like an alcoholic beverage, but I can cheers with

Adan: 1:52

you don't have to have an alcoholic beverage. You just,

Jamie: 1:54

Starbucks.

Adan: 1:56

just something about having a drink in your hand.

Rebecca: 1:59

My old Starbucks.

Jamie: 2:01

Cheers.

Adan: 2:03

all right. So that's, that looks like a vent

Jamie: 2:04

camera.

Adan: 2:05

that looks like you're, okay. So it looks like you have a venti and you're down to about the bottom third of it. So you bought that one on Monday.

Jamie: 2:13

That's funny. See, look at Rebecca's like, ugh. I, I am infamous for having, Hey, check your speakers because I'm getting some feedback. Thank you. Now I lost my train of thought because I am

Rebecca: 2:29

Coffee purchases.

Jamie: 2:30

Oh, I'll like drink any beverage. It could be anything. And then I'll like put it in the fridge for like the next day.

Adan: 2:37

You'll drink at your own pace and that's fine. Even if it's a 12 ounce can that happens to last for 36 hours.

Jamie: 2:44

Mm-hmm. Oh, Jamie,

Rebecca: 2:46

just get a, just get a new.

Jamie: 2:48

don't, don't make Rebecca worry about me. Please. Yeah,

Adan: 2:53

as you know, in the, in the grand scheme of things to worry about that probably doesn't even, shouldn't even crack the top 20.

Jamie: 2:59

I'm a slow eater and I'm a slow drinker and yeah, I'm there to savor

Rebecca: 3:06

of the same cup for more than one day?

Jamie: 3:10

water bottle. Yes.

Rebecca: 3:12

Okay.

Jamie: 3:14

Oh.

Adan: 3:15

She covers her cans. They're, they are, they are still reasonably clean.

Rebecca: 3:20

Rob has a cup that he keeps next to the coffee maker that just sits there. And unless I put it in the dishwasher,

Adan: 3:26

Is he like seasoning it with coffee like it's a cast iron? I.

Rebecca: 3:30

it's his water cup. And I'm just like, you can use a new one. So I'll just put in the

Jamie: 3:36

seasoning it with backwash. I love that we, that we started with this. This is such a wonderful,

Adan: 3:42

coffee backwash, seasoning.

Jamie: 3:45

now before we get into more about my drinking habits, we have a little bit of housekeeping. Thank you again to Liz, Liz Aday for being here with us last week. Liz is wonderful. She's working, still working hard on her music and, can't wait to hear more from her as well. And now let's get into it.

Adan: 4:08

In,

Jamie: 4:09

Let so manic, Socratic,

Adan: 4:13

so Jamie,

Jamie: 4:14

that's intellectual bully too.

Adan: 4:16

so bully.

Jamie: 4:18

Yeah. Tell us, tell us about your, your streaming journey. Tell us how it started and why, and.

Adan: 4:23

my streaming journey was the side effect of a personal reinvention project that goes all the way back to the year 2014, believe it or not. that, uh, I was in the process of, I realized I had gained just enough self-awareness to where I was in a position in life where things were good, but also too good in a way that prevented me from any real personal growth. Uh, so I, um, I. You know, did, did some soul searching, did some, you know, did a lot of traveling between 2012 and 2013. And I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna move to the Pacific Northwest. I'm gonna move to Seattle. That still, that decision solidified, when, uh, one of my best friends had his wedding in Hood River, right off I 84 there in Oregon. And, um, and just there is something so majestic about it. Like, you know, I, yeah, I live among mountains here in the desert, but the Pacific Northwest, scenery is a whole other category unto itself.

Jamie: 5:22

Don't pretend you like the desert at all. Don't pretend.

Adan: 5:25

you, you live in a coast coastal desert, by the way, which is another lovable desert.

Jamie: 5:30

Yeah, I don't like the desert parts of it. Just the coastal parts.

Adan: 5:34

But I digress. so in, in all of this soul searching that I did in this rebooted life of mine in the, in Seattle and surrounding areas, I decided, you know what, you, I need to make sure that I'm indulging in my greatest, uh, in, in the things that bring me the greatest happiness, the things that truly satisfy me. And it didn't take me very long to think, oh, I'm, I'm a Nintendo kid who hasn't been playing Nintendo in too long. I need to, I need to go revisit that. I need to go dig in and see what I can do now that I've got adult money to, uh, to indulge in this. And you know it. Yeah.

Jamie: 6:14

you, you weren't into, were you not as like into retro games or like collecting retro games and consoles and everything Until

Adan: 6:23

I had, I had kind of fallen outta video gaming for a while, just because it was the more appealing thing to get drunk with my buddies in my mid twenties. And that, that coincided with like, I guess you could say my personal video game, dark ages, like the we, Xbox 360, PS three, that whole era of gaming. Massive blind spot to me. I'm still doing my best to go back and relearn that. but I got back on the Nintendo train, bought my, my, my roommate slash best friend's weu off of him, um, and started dabbling in that and started also,

Rebecca: 6:55

Did you get the We step as well?

Adan: 6:57

I did not get the step, but I do have an officially licensed wee yoga mat, uh, that I got from another friend who, uh, gave me his,

Jamie: 7:05

I had the we step. Are you just talking about the like.

Adan: 7:08

there's so many accessories that came out for Wee Fitness. I

Jamie: 7:11

I don't, I didn't have a, we, you, I'm talking about the original. We, like, I had the step thing where, like the balance board or whatever.

Rebecca: 7:18

Yes. And when you stepped on it, it would go'cause you were too

Jamie: 7:21

yeah. Oh yeah. It would be like, ah,

Rebecca: 7:23

was so fucking passive

Jamie: 7:24

the noises. It may, it would be like,

Rebecca: 7:27

Ugh.

Jamie: 7:28

and it's like, oh

Adan: 7:30

I did not know that that thing weighed you.

Rebecca: 7:32

hurt your feelings every time.

Jamie: 7:34

And I kept going back. Hi

Rebecca: 7:37

know. I'm like, I don't wanna do it, but I wanted to make a happy noise and never made a happy noise ever. So I was

Jamie: 7:42

it was savage. It

Rebecca: 7:43

anymore.

Adan: 7:43

and you know, I, I don't, I don't wish to sound insensitive in any way like that, but I, I als also

Rebecca: 7:49

crowd did boo you. Sorry. She was like, the crowd booed you if you were overweight. Yes, absolutely. You got booed. It was hor.

Adan: 7:57

here. I thought the game was doing the judgment of your weight in this, like passive aggressive, yet still polite, cheeky Japanese way. Uh, but, uh, if you're getting booed for being fat by a video game, that is, um, that, that's an existential crisis waiting to happen.

Jamie: 8:12

don't defend Nintendo. Don't defend

Adan: 8:14

I'm not, I thought Nintendo was, you know, in my mind.'cause I never played. We really, I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, okay, if the game is weighing you, then it should be not, not that judgmental when it comes to the weight result, but, oh, I did not know the Rebo,

Jamie: 8:30

Yeah. It was basically

Rebecca: 8:31

a long term Japanese warfare plan where they're like, we're really gonna fuck with the Americans. It's gonna be long term, but we're gonna fuck with our psyche. So when we get'em, they're just gonna be too depressed

Adan: 8:42

Yeah. It's a com. it's, it's a country that's thousands of years old. They know how to play the long game.

Jamie: 8:48

They're like, Americans are fat. Hey, you get to, Hey Vee, welcome in.

Adan: 8:54

Um, but getting back to the original question, get, uh, wanting to feed being a Nintendo kid resulted in me hanging out in various online communities of like-minded people. and being that I was revisiting my childhood, I was thinking about Game Boy and Nintendo Super, Nintendo, Nintendo 64, and wanting to delve into the best ways to play those old games. And I just found in general, across the gaming landscape about 10 years ago that the, that retro gaming really was. Not there. It just wasn't a factor. Everyone was still obsessed with the bleeding edge. And I'm like, wait, wait a second. if it weren't for these old games, you wouldn't have the bleeding edge in the first place. Uh, there nothing, you know, there's something that a lot of us have to accept in our media intake is that nothing is original, everything is derivative. It is just how you use those old tropes and building blocks to create something new. and it can

Jamie: 9:50

sounds a little bit like a snob to me. Rebecca. I don't know. He sounds a little snobby and.

Rebecca: 9:55

Did you work on any of the old consoles too? Like did you, uh, what's it called? Like, not retrofit, but like revamp or like re Re Oh, refurbish. Did

Jamie: 10:02

do you know Retrofit, first of all,

Adan: 10:05

there's, I. I haven't personally refurbished many you because the real refurbishments for old, old electronics need to be done by professionals who have a very steady hand in soldering. and this guy that sits, uh, on my desk at all times is kind of the crown jewel of my collection. I'm not gonna divulge how much was spent on this, but the sharp twin Famicom, I decided was going to be the ideal way, to, to play the eight bit era of Nintendo. We've got the floppy disc drive here for, famicom disc system games, as well as the standard famicom disc system game slot right here. So it's,

Jamie: 10:43

that what we play Wordle on? Is that

Adan: 10:45

Yes, this is the Wordle machine. Anyone who has ever been in my stream and hung out at the end, this is the Wordle machine. And the Wordle game lives here on this flashcard. Flashcards are only a, a really recent invention within the past 10 years. and they just allow so many possibilities while also bringing your personal cost down. If you wanna play on real hardware, the what it was. All right. I'm gonna reveal part of it. the$250 that I spent on this flashcard, there are very many game, there are very many games out

Rebecca: 11:16

Look at the two ta like, oh my God,

Jamie: 11:19

for like 200. I would never, like, meanwhile I got like$200 worth of like Starbucks delivered to my apartment this morning.

Adan: 11:27

Yeah. It's, it's all. It's all about, you know the, there are two wolves inside of you and the one that becomes dominant is the one that feed that you feed. And,

Jamie: 11:36

bull. It's always the bull.

Adan: 11:38

sometimes, yeah, sometimes you're feeding the coffee wolf the coffee bowl, and sometimes you're feeding the video game bowl and there,

Jamie: 11:45

been drugs. Said you

Adan: 11:47

it, it, it could have been, I also popped an edible before this, so I still have wiggle room in my budget for drugs.

Jamie: 11:52

for the follow

Adan: 11:54

Um. But, um, con consider like, go on eBay, or there, there are various listicles out there that will say, these are the most expensive games for each console. And it is not unusual for some, particularly rare games to go for well over a thousand dollars. Um, but in spending$250, I can play virtually anything I want that was made for that console. So it ends up being an incredible value proposition. Um, but I digress yet again as I keep pulling myself.

Rebecca: 12:33

that's what we, no, that's what we do. That's the whole thing of the show. It's

Jamie: 12:36

digressing.

Adan: 12:38

Yeah, you spiraling off in one direction and then needing to recenter oneself to the original, uh, the original question, so I started, I started acquiring hardware. I started gathering these various bits and pieces, uh, to help enhance my retro experience. I

Jamie: 12:52

So what, wait, what year did you, what year did you buy the mcom?

Adan: 12:56

this guy, the twin Fcom, oh gosh, I'm gonna have to like pull my Gmail, eBay history to find that

Jamie: 13:04

just give us your best guess.

Adan: 13:05

2021, I wanna say. Um, I mean, I can pull the info relatively quickly. E my eBay purchase history and then

Jamie: 13:15

Also, I just wanna point out that all three of us are Tauruses. Wait, what's your Chinese Zodiac? uh, you're the rat 84 that's the problem is he's a rat and we're an ox.

Rebecca: 13:25

That's why he has all his eBay purchases from 2021 filed away somewhere.

Adan: 13:29

Yeah. In my eBay account where. I didn't, I didn't have to actively file it. I didn't have to put any extra energy. It's just right up there. It was delivered March 13th, 2021.

Jamie: 13:41

He's just happy. He's doing his like happy. He was like right on his estimate. Dance. That's what that is.

Rebecca: 13:48

Fantastic.

Adan: 13:50

Um, and then once, once I received it, I'm like, I have to make sure it's outfitted with the best possible stuff for the sake of presenting Nintendo games on stream. And 22 March 13th, 2021 was actually approximately two years since my first stream. So it was, it's been a long, hard road to integrate more and more consoles into the stream because I want to do it right. It's not just going and dropping a hundred dollars on a PlayStation, it's this PlayStation plus various accessories that make it suitable for my personal goals in streaming. that drives up the cost, to be honest. but ultimately,

Rebecca: 14:30

Mitsubishis and the fast and ne furious with the NAS and the spoiler and the lights underneath,

Adan: 14:35

yes, but the things I do actually legitimately add horsepower instead of the show off bullshit that a lot of those,

Jamie: 14:41

Fire up the hard drives. Fire'em

Adan: 14:44

fired up.

Jamie: 14:46

Sorry. We watched Twisters and that's what they kept saying and we were like,

Adan: 14:51

We just could not get Yeah. We, we couldn't pull ourselves away from that one

Jamie: 14:55

so bad. But it was fun to make fun of it.

Adan: 14:58

It was'cause it was just like the first movie, the movie Twisters was less a movie and more of a ride. It's universal. Of course Universal is gonna find some way to be like, okay, we're gonna make a movie. It's gonna have a co cohesive plot, but it's gonna have good, good bones for, uh, theme park attractions too, so we can get our vertical all profitable. So it's, um, very cutthroat

Jamie: 15:20

It's like you work for them. It's funny, I also got this spiel the first time I ever went to your place. You were like, here's my twin family com.

Adan: 15:30

yeah. Hi, pat. Hi Optimist. and in gathering all this hardware, I'm like, well, maybe it's time to start showing this stuff off, to the public to, I, I know it sounds, it, it sounds so trite in comparison to other awareness raising campaigns, but I wanted to make sure that old games got their fair, share of attention when it came to discussions in the video game discourse. like just a, just a couple years ago in the, um. Uh, during, during the switches heyday, uh, they released a Yoshi game, naturally Yoshi's crafted world. And, elder gamers were very easily able to see, oh, this game is secretly not so secretly, but really in a Nintendo way, cribbing mechanics from an old Sega Saturn game that no one gives a shit about anymore. And being able to see all the old ingredients being redeveloped into new things is just fascinating. The DNA of gaming is, is always changing, but at the same time, you can always see bits of the past.

Jamie: 16:31

Yeah. Welcome in Shep. I like how Zeki is just everyone's saying like what their Chinese Zodiac is and Zeki iss just like I'm a monkey, I'm a monkey.

Adan: 16:40

Yeah. Optimist Twister really helped to confu of tornadoes. That's awesome. A little bit of knowledge

Jamie: 16:45

I loved Twister. The second movie, twisters was just. We knew it was gonna not be great,

Adan: 16:51

Yeah.

Rebecca: 16:52

Twister was that era of disaster movies. What was the one? Oh, Dante's Peak where the grandmother basically boils to

Adan: 16:59

that poor woman

Jamie: 17:01

alert, everybody. Spoiler

Adan: 17:03

spoil alert for a nearly 30-year-old movie.

Rebecca: 17:06

And that made me irrationally afraid of lakes of acid. kind of like quicksand, but it was just

Adan: 17:12

Dante's Peak was freaking terrifying. Like just that, that visceral moment of Pierce Brosnan's elbow bone exposed like that when the rocks fell on him. Oh my gosh.

Jamie: 17:21

Jesus.

Rebecca: 17:21

And they killed the grandma. It was awful,

Adan: 17:23

The fact they went for that emotional beat, like how dare they?

Rebecca: 17:28

but an acid. So anyway, yeah, twister and Dante, they all I was really afraid of weather for a.

Jamie: 17:34

Yeah. I remember being younger and being like afraid of tornadoes, but like, I agree with, uh, was it optimist? Yeah, optimist. I agree. I think it did help me like. made it seem kind of like cool and kind of showed like the science. and I think that helped me be less afraid as well.

Rebecca: 17:54

And that's where I fell in love with Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Jamie: 17:58

Oh my God. True. But like also Helen Hunt. Oh my God. I love Helen Hunt.

Adan: 18:03

We all crushed on Helen Hunt.

Jamie: 18:05

have you ever seen her performance in She did a performance of, uh, 12th Night.

Adan: 18:12

I'm unaware

Jamie: 18:13

12th. You stole my heart. Helen

Rebecca: 18:17

Oh yeah. Deep Impact. That was another one. And Asteroids coming for us and is gonna kill us all.

Jamie: 18:22

What's the, uh, what's the Aerosmith one?

Rebecca: 18:24

I.

Jamie: 18:25

yeah, that one.

Adan: 18:26

I'm an unapologetic Armageddon fan boy. The every single minute of that violently stupid movie is so lovable and amazing. I will sing its praises till my dying breath.

Jamie: 18:37

Funny hill to die on, but, all right.

Adan: 18:41

If you've watched the movie, you'd understand. Okay.

Jamie: 18:44

now talk to us a little bit about like

Rebecca: 18:46

talk.

Adan: 18:48

right.

Jamie: 18:48

Yeah.

Adan: 18:50

I mean, if we, if we want to go further into the streaming journey, like I had some, started out, started off with my game cube. The, i, I want to say my first streams that I ever did, which are not archived in any meaningful ways. They don't even try to go searching for them. I had finally rusted up the cash to buy this absurdly expensive, HDMI adapter for my game cube. And I thought, all right, time to finally take this show on the road. So I, managed to acquire a capture card from a, uh, from a friend and, you know, put on a really shoddy, terrible looking stream. Um. But eventually I'd be,

Jamie: 19:24

notes.

Adan: 19:26

but it, you know, eventually I realized, you know, the gravity of, I, I realized the, the gravity and the enormity of the world I was entering by, uh, by stepping into becoming a live streamer that, you know, I, I had, had my life changed irreparably, irreversibly by, you know, just joining Twitter back in 2008. And I felt a similar seismic shift happened when I jumped here on Twitch. I'm like, well, okay, um, if I want to stand out in any way, I need to at least show that I take this shit seriously and also do as much visual representation as I can to let people know I am fucking retro. And you're not gonna get an award edgewise about it. Um, no matter how many people over the years have tried to say, oh, are you gonna play? Are you gonna stream this new game? No, no, I'm not.

Jamie: 20:17

what if someone were to be like, Hey, have you ever played this game called Little Misfortune? And would you ever maybe stream that?

Adan: 20:24

a potentially influential individual might have the means to get me to stream that game. And that did indeed happen once, uh, on a particularly special stream, uh, that included that game. And a, uh, little, uh, little one that I personally enjoy called 1980 X. Even if it's a new game, it's always gonna go retro in some way.

Jamie: 20:48

Good. Those are good games.

Adan: 20:50

Yep.

Jamie: 20:50

you stream it to me on Discord?

Adan: 20:54

You get to, I think, uh, I think you can swear here. So, uh, go rock, rock your shit, my friend.

Jamie: 20:59

yes, please. There's no yeah, just, yeah. no, no. Slurs. Don't be a bigot. That's pretty much.

Rebecca: 21:06

So you mentioned, you mentioned that like you wanted to, you were at a place at a standstill where you were, you weren't growing and you, and you wanted to do more growth. How do you feel like connecting with that retro gain, like what part, like what growth did you see from it and like what changes did you get, the changes in growth that you were hoping for?

Adan: 21:23

the, it was less, you know, it was less like the retro was a part of all of the, uh, the changes in life. It was, a, a, a side effect, I suppose, because what I really set out to do when I left Arizona back in 2014 was that I wanted to put myself in an environment where I was forced to make new decisions that I have never had to make before and look at life in new angles and use that to try to grow my core principles as a person for how to, uh, how to assert myself, how to present myself to the world and whatnot. And I think, and I think it went pretty well. I absolutely love all of the three years that I spent there. though I, the weirdest, the thing that I was not expecting was, uh, when some general conditions of life pulled me back to Arizona. That's where I felt like the real maturation begin. That I, I, coming back to Arizona and having to, pick up whatever old remnants of my life were there while being this new transformed self was another brand new set of lessons to further, you know, further synthesize, further apply all the things that I learned while I was living far away for a while.

Jamie: 22:40

Sorry I was distracted by chat for a little bit of that.

Adan: 22:44

Chat's entertaining.'cause we got some rocking people here.

Jamie: 22:47

Brandy Quaid

Adan: 22:48

Shitter was full. Yeah. Randy. Randy Quaids Characters are messy. You just gotta, you just gotta watch the vacation movies for that.

Jamie: 22:55

I don't think, I don't think, did I even know there was a second Independence day?

Adan: 23:01

No one likes to acknowledge that. No one likes to acknowledge that. An

Jamie: 23:05

think I saw it. I'm sure I didn't see it.

Adan: 23:07

Yeah. We just pretend it doesn't exist. It's all about Will Smith, welcome to

Rebecca: 23:12

don't tell her what happens. Don't spoil it. She hasn't

Jamie: 23:15

Yeah, don't spoil it. Don't

Adan: 23:17

I can't spoil it because it doesn't exist. There's no independence. Day two.

Jamie: 23:23

Sounds about right. Sounds about right to me. Wish there was no twisters, but here we are.

Adan: 23:29

Oh, thank you very much,

Jamie: 23:31

you see that, Rebecca? Did you see that twisters?

Rebecca: 23:35

Oh,

Jamie: 23:37

I don't know. you and you and Rob should like, get high and watch it and make fun of it. I enjoyed making fun of it.

Adan: 23:44

Yes, please be high when you're watching twisters and you know, while you're in between making fun of it, you'll be able to shake your butts to the soundtrack, which is surprisingly good

Rebecca: 23:54

nice.

Jamie: 23:54

yeah. Sound.

Rebecca: 23:56

One of the things you mentioned, we were putting together your outline yesterday was like, even though you've done all this work, even though you created it and worked so hard, there is a tiny voice in the back of your head being like, burn the fuck down and walk away.

Adan: 24:07

yes,

Rebecca: 24:08

a little bit more about that?

Adan: 24:09

absolutely. and this is something that I bounce off of my fellow, uh, content creator from time to time, because if you're, if you're a live streamer on Twitch, there's a pretty good chance that other live streamers are gonna hang out in your chat too.'cause that's just what we do. consider it like, I don't know, in industry night kind of thing where you can just vibe with each other and you don't have, and you can drop some of the pretenses. But there's a lot of responsibility. There are so many emotional connections. There's, there's an, an energy expenditure that is required when one is a live streamer, community manager, someone of relative significance on a platform like this. And, uh, certain aspects of it will find ways to, in, I don't wanna say intrude on your life, but emergencies happen when you have this interconnected network of dozens and dozens of people, you're never gonna get any guarantee that all those people are gonna get along perfectly and. Drama happens, and no one ever tells you, no one ever tells you when you start out as a streamer that, that you're, oh, your, um, one of your community members started some shit in this other person's stream and now they're banned. And then now I have to look in on it and gather details. And then when I gather details, I have to take action very swiftly on second or third hand information and pray I got the answer right. And ulti, you know, ultimately people

Rebecca: 25:36

mean take action? Like what do you have? Have them killed? What do you mean take action?

Adan: 25:38

take action.

Rebecca: 25:39

just.

Adan: 25:40

Take

Jamie: 25:41

I also wanna point out, as soon as you said gossip, Rebecca physically moved forward in her chair and was like, what? What do you mean? What do you mean drama? Tell me

Adan: 25:51

Yeah. That, That when it comes to all this, you might be, you yourself might be the drama unwittingly or someone close to you. I am. I am never the drama. I am, I, I adore everyone. I come across and, and vice versa. But there are times where you're, you have to use

Jamie: 26:11

that sound scripted to you?

Adan: 26:14

I

Rebecca: 26:14

raises it off his hand and

Adan: 26:15

I'm, I have

Jamie: 26:16

I am not the drama. Sorry, I'm not sorry.

Adan: 26:21

I did not have, no, I'm not. but you make all these emotional connections with people. You respect them. you participate in their streams, you laugh together, you cry together. You experience impactful video games together. but sometimes. things that happen between streams, conversations, direct messages. Sometimes I have to ban people. Sometimes I have to go have a tough conversation with someone I have a tenuous connection to so that I can try to sort

Jamie: 26:48

someone to take care of the problem.

Adan: 26:51

yes, take care of the problem, and that usually that person is me by having to go search out every single website this person might be on, that they could use to contact me and ban them from there too. and it has happened sometimes where a community member has, uh, run afoul of other community members. all everyone involved are people who I liked, but I had no idea what was simmering underneath.

Jamie: 27:15

tense, Rebecca liked

Adan: 27:17

Yeah. And then, and then I'm like, well, given what I have been told, given the conduct, which is inexcusable on part of this individual, I have to remove this individual from any of my dealings.

Jamie: 27:31

and it's also like it shouldn't, it shouldn't even really be the streamers or so, you know what I mean? Like it's just like To some

Adan: 27:37

and it isn't. Yeah.

Jamie: 27:39

yeah, to some extent it's like we're all fucking adults because I know like only adults are allowed in your stream. In the stream. It's like we're all fucking adults, like act like an adult. But unfortunately it doesn't always happen that way. If only more people were like us guys, you know, we need more tourists in the world.

Adan: 27:59

Yeah. People, yeah. People who are just like, no, please, everyone shut up. We're going to cut through the bullshit. What actually happened? Give me that. I'm not gonna take action on hearsay or fairytales or someone's personal opinion on a matter. What did the person actually do? Was it done with malice?

Rebecca: 28:19

what did they actually do? That is what I asked. What did they actually

Adan: 28:24

people are so prone to making mountains out of Mo Hill molehills anymore. It's, it makes things so difficult to sift through.

Jamie: 28:33

I, I don't think he's gonna say Rebecca. I don't think that's a perfect, what'd you

Adan: 28:37

and that's the other thing is that because this drama is in the past, that it is best that I do not name individuals or, uh, or, or that I be extremely vague about

Jamie: 28:47

Zeke. Get in here.

Adan: 28:48

Be

Jamie: 28:49

said, I could say, tag me in.

Adan: 28:51

See this is the thing is that Zeki is actually quite knowledgeable about a certain situation that happened in a community that we're both a part of. Like me and Zeki know, and you get to, you know, this individual as well. that, we had, I, I hate that I can't be too specific'cause I don't want to be.

Rebecca: 29:10

in the show notes.

Jamie: 29:12

We'll reveal this person in the show notes. Stay

Adan: 29:15

So we're, interconnected communities, several live streamers and they're more prominent community members. all of us hanging out, being online friends together, having various online social gatherings and stuff, hanging out in each other's streams, having a good time. You know, it's, it's one of those really fun, beautiful things when, like a conversation that starts at 12 noon in one person stream is still kind of still happening at 9:00 PM in someone else's stream, three raids later. Seeing that interconnection is just beautiful and lovely, and that's part of what makes Twitch such a magical place. But when it comes to what, uh, what Zeki and Yuga to, uh, may be, uh, maybe somewhat referencing there, Zeki in particular is that one individual decided to become a problem and, was excessively harsh on another individual, for an extended amount of time. Um, and, and bless this other person for their patience in dealing with this difficult person. But eventually we had to say goodbye to this person and it caused a massive rift in the community, you know, to the tune of, you know, a couple dozen people. But when dealing with us down here, you know, we're not partners. We're all affiliates here, you know, we're, we're all like, 20 to 50 viewership at best, kind of, uh, kind of streamers. Um, just nothing wrong with that to be spec, you know, just to make that clear. Yeah, that, you know, every streamer is important because you're furthering the medium. and that's a, that's another topic entirely, but ha having to deal with the emotional burdens of, okay, I have to make sure that when I speak to this person, that I'm going to speak to them as if these three people don't exist. and then change that up for other individuals. There's so much to keep track of. So many through lines in the drama is frustrating.

Jamie: 31:05

do it. I couldn't do that. It's

Adan: 31:06

yeah, it is. And when you, when you do it, when you stream long enough, it's just one of those things that feels inevitable because we're all human, because we're all interacting, we're all, we're all trying to bring, you know, our, our best faces to chat. But this is why I say the hardest thing about str. This is why I say the hardest thing about streaming is what happens between streams. The streams take care of themselves. You hit that go live button, and here we are having some lovely banter, but trying to maintain that, that energy, that candor,

Jamie: 31:39

pants.

Adan: 31:39

and trying to keep my pants off enough to satisfy certain individuals,

Rebecca: 31:45

We're not doing that here. Move on. We're not doing that.

Jamie: 31:49

It's okay when she cuts this from the audio. I'll just add it back in. It's fine.

Adan: 31:53

I'm not literally gonna take off my pants on this stream. I'm, I'm a guest in your house right now. When I'm in my

Jamie: 31:58

already off Rebecca,

Adan: 31:59

Yeah. when I'm in my house, when I am on my own stream, Twitch tv slash mad. Socratic, that's where the clothes come off. Um, and also my rumored conjectured, but not actually real OnlyFans.

Rebecca: 32:13

Okay.

Jamie: 32:13

after. So moving on. So after this we're gonna do like burnout, collective, like burnout after dark and we'll like get Zeki on with us and Zeki will update us on like all the drama information

Adan: 32:26

Perfect guest. Perfect guest for burnout after dark.

Jamie: 32:30

yeah. And then we'll put that on

Adan: 32:32

I like

Rebecca: 32:33

mentioned with like the bur, so with the community responsibility you just mentioned, I had asked you about mods and you mentioned you're like, I can't put that onus on them. It's on me because.

Adan: 32:42

The

Rebecca: 32:43

I, it's my responsibility. I was the one who decided to even start this and I can't

Adan: 32:47

right,

Rebecca: 32:48

other people dealing with

Adan: 32:49

the mods are great for the things they do in the heat of the moment, in the midst of the stream. That's what mods are for, for dealing with the fallout of stuff between streams. I don't expect those people to manage my drama for me, uh, that's a whole other deal. Even if that external drama might bleed into the stream, which is. Yet again, why the hardest thing about streaming is what happens between streams because you don't know wh when and where the blowback is gonna happen.

Rebecca: 33:18

Do you eat on your streams?

Adan: 33:20

um, I do not, I, the only thing I will do is drink. There was one stream where I ate and I don't think I want to do it again. be beverages. Beverages are where I put the limit at consumption. I do not consider it. yeah, it popping a gummy. Yeah, that's one thing. But I'm not, I'm not gonna sit here with several slices of pizza or a KFC bowl or something trying to snf that down during a cut scene. Um, I feel like that's just tacky and unsightly and unprofessional of me as a streamer. I have, you know, in spite of what I do, I do have personal rules of decorum that I do my best to keep on stream.

Jamie: 33:59

High standards.

Rebecca: 34:00

How do you keep up the energy then if you have like,'cause I mean it's not, games aren't quick and done. How do you keep up your energy?

Adan: 34:06

I, I keep up my energy thanks to the very awesome people who show up in chat. The banter that happens with these fine people is, second to none really. And having their, having all of their input, their musings, like, sure, I, I might be in the midst of an RPG and I'm fighting a really tough monster. But the conversation we're having is about your favorite time where you, your favorite sushi or something like that. We are, we're very hungry community to say the

Jamie: 34:35

Okay. Um, speaking of being hungry, can you tell me about your hot nuts?

Adan: 34:38

My hot nuts, ah, yes. Zeki talking about, uh, zeki, talking about my fiery nuts. Uh, specifically talking about the death nut challenge that I did on a couple of birthday streams a few years ago. Um. That I did, uh, just for kicks, this was, I, I don't, I don't even think there was really an incentive behind it. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna play this game on my birthday stream, and at certain points in this game, I'm gonna take a, I'm gonna take a satchel of death nuts, and, uh, and then just deal with the consequences. It was like I hot ones myself while playing a game, and then my gameplay and my attitude towards the game would morph as I was suffering under all of the heat. Hi Rador. Good to hear you. Good to see you.

Rebecca: 35:22

Oh my God. He is his own jigsaw. Jesus Christ.

Adan: 35:25

with these, with this death nut challenge, I did not do death Nut 2.0 as prescribed because the proper death nut, if you go by a box of death nuts, this is what I'll say on the back. You

Jamie: 35:34

A satchel. You said though, I'm trying to picture this nut satchel,

Adan: 35:37

Yes, so you, you acquire a box, a nice thin, rectangular box that contains five satchels of peanuts. Each satchel gets progressively hotter. And I was armed with an absolute boatload. Like I, I brought out a full on quart of mint chip ice cream because I'm like, well, mint is, you know, mint is just cold, spicy. So that's a counteraction to the capsaicin heat. And then it's also ice cream, so there's milk fat there, which also is there to dull the pain. So I had a very measured way of doing death note 2.0, uh, during a birthday

Jamie: 36:15

just like have your face in the mint chocolate chip the whole time.

Adan: 36:18

I did not do that. There was also chugging of half and half I believe. I, I don't know about chugging, but definitely like sipping and just trying to like, conserve it because my mouth was on fire. Like I'd take a sip and it would be a reprieve of like 10 seconds before the heat just came right back up.

Jamie: 36:35

So how long is the like diarrhea break during the stream?

Adan: 36:38

the, all of that happens after stream, uh, but death Nut two, death Nut 2.0 went surprisingly well, uh, when, uh, when I did do it. So I thought, well, since I survived 2.0 my next birthday stream, I'm gonna do Death Nut 3.0 and I'm gonna do it the proper way that's described on the package. And that was the worst possible decision I could have made

Jamie: 37:01

Wait, you did it, you did it three times. You went through with it three times.

Adan: 37:04

three times. The, the, there's a product to this called Death Nut 2.0, which is five satchels of nuts in the 2.0 package. Then its SQL is another five satchels of nuts that are even hotter than the first five satchels. so 3.0 just means, it means they've revised the formula that the hot peanuts contained within are reformulated to further attack your insides. I had a flight to,

Rebecca: 37:33

men will do to fucking avoid therapy, Jamie. This is what they will do. They will just eat.

Adan: 37:38

oh,

Jamie: 37:39

I mean, it's funny'cause it's true. I don't know, I just feel like,

Adan: 37:42

I, I've definitely had conversations with a, uh, with a bestie about, uh, about therapy because of a certain situation that happened to me last year, but whole other topic. Um, I. it was, yeah.

Jamie: 37:57

It's fine. Moving on.

Adan: 37:58

But, um, so death net 3.0, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do it the right way because the directions on the box say you, you knock down a satchel, you sit with the burn for five minutes, no, no relief, no drinks, no nothing. Then you hit another satchel. You wait five minutes, another satchel until all are completed. And,

Jamie: 38:19

but in between. So you wait five minutes, then you can like,

Adan: 38:22

then you can, no, you wait five minutes and then you eat the next satchel. There's no relief there. There's no relief. There's no relief until you are done with every last peanut. Once you start,

Jamie: 38:34

five minutes? Just

Adan: 38:35

you, because you have to, you, because the burn has to set in. That's the rules on the box. You have to, you, you have to experience the burn. once, once you pop you can't stop. Once you get your first nut, you have to go to the last nut. Um. And so I just dragged myself through it.'cause I'm sitting here, lights are on me, camera's on me, I gotta step up and perform. And, death net 3.0 contained,

Jamie: 39:04

though.

Adan: 39:05

I did though. Yes, indeed. It's, this is a, this is my personal philosophy is that if I'm enduring something painful and something that sucks, if I'm the one who chose this burden, I don't get to complain about it because there, I agreed to the good and the bad. So come whatever may, if anything bad happens to me, including, riding around on the floor for hours on end due to the, uh, volcano that was, you know, that was swirling around inside of me.

Jamie: 39:38

Wow.

Rebecca: 39:40

I just really don't wanna talk about when I was little and sad, so I'm just gonna burn a hole into my intestinal lining.

Adan: 39:49

that wasn't the purpose. It wasn't a therapy alternative. this is just,

Jamie: 39:54

buy it.

Rebecca: 39:56

God, and you did this on a live stream.

Jamie: 39:58

Yeah.

Adan: 39:59

a birthday stream.

Jamie: 40:01

Hey, cosmic, I agree with Zeki. Zeki said, I don't think I'd like that part of a streamer feeling on display performing the entire time. Like, does my face look bad? Do my chits look big? Am I being funny? yeah, it's like that. I think, I think that's why I stopped streaming, like personally and I like tried again this year, but I just, I don't think it's in the cards for me.

Adan: 40:25

Yeah. And Zeke definitely raises good points,

Jamie: 40:28

obviously is in the cards for me, but,

Adan: 40:31

I also feel like at a certain point, and, and I realize the, the vanity rules are different between genders. I'm not gonna discount that at all.'cause there's just so much pressure that one might put on themselves or response to external pressures. I, the vanity, the am I, funny thing that I, I shed that a long time ago. the more you do this, the easier it gets. almost to the point where it feels like, where it seems like you don't give a shit when you're on stream, but you really like, but in truth it's like, I am so comfortable doing this that you're going to get whatever I am and you're gonna have to deal with it. and maybe I am low energy that day and that's fine. as long as you're racking up more wins and losses, I suppose.

Jamie: 41:12

Yeah.

Rebecca: 41:13

Have you had a stream? Like have you had a stream just go unexpectedly awful, and like what did you do in the middle of it? Were you just honest with yourself and like, okay, we're gonna cut this short, or did you push through and why?

Adan: 41:26

unexpectedly awful stream. This was during the big, the view boing era of Twitch. And I'm glad they finally like put a, put a lid on that. It seems like it's not as bad as it used to be.

Rebecca: 41:38

Can you explain just really quick

Adan: 41:40

so what, what would happen? You're in the, you're in the middle of a stream. Everything is going normally, but then all of a sudden you notice your chat is lighting up with message upon message that are usually the same message, but sometimes not. But you realize, oh, these goofy usernames that I've never seen before are flooding my chat. Something not good is happening. Uh, someone is attacking my channel through automated means, and I have to find a way to extinguish this fire. And sometimes it, sometimes it is rattling enough that I at least had to take a break. Um. Maybe there was

Rebecca: 42:16

to like kick you off? Like what's the

Adan: 42:17

it, it it is meant to kick you off because what it ends up doing is that it makes Twitch servers think that you are, that you, the streamer are doing spam like activity. So it makes the streamer look bad and the bots get off scot free, which is completely unfair. And it was a massive like, at least a year long saga where the streamers were like, please Twitch fucking help us do something.'cause we're dying out here.

Jamie: 42:44

When was that? what

Adan: 42:46

I wanna say 2023 was the height of it.

Jamie: 42:49

do you wanna check your receipts?

Adan: 42:51

I don't have receipt for that. Just depends a per.

Rebecca: 42:54

what do you do? I mean, what did you do? Did you just, are you just

Adan: 42:57

There are safeguards that one can put in that, that there are some nice features like, uh, making, uh, making your stream followers only putting chat in slow mode. Uh, some of the good features are already built into the service and they've added even more things to where like, okay, the only people who can participate in your chat are people who have properly verified their phone numbers and their email addresses with the service to, to do like triple verification that an actual human, is an actual human is using the service and not someone who's got an army of 10,000 scripts that they're ready to fire off.

Jamie: 43:33

Yuga said it wouldn't just follow the streamers either. It would actually pull the IP addresses of the viewers and mass follow them as well.

Adan: 43:40

It was bad. It was nasty. Yeah. And it caused a lot of innocent people to get banned as a result because it looked like these people were doing, uh, follow farming and stuff like that, doing, buying viewers and stuff. and it really rattles a streamer'cause you're grooving and you're connecting with your community and all of a sudden something breaks that beautiful tenuous connection that you have in the moment with your community. and then you have to, then you have to play damage control with your own channel and hope that your own, at least not for me, and hope that your own livelihood doesn't get pulled.

Rebecca: 44:13

Wow.

Adan: 44:15

Because I know there are a lot of streamers out there. This is their job. they're, they're, they're out there streaming 24 to 40 hours a week, which I can't even imagine this, the what kind of toll that takes on a person. But for better or worse, they do it. Their personalities are the product and they do pretty well for themselves. And having that threatened by some jerk with, uh, with some sort of script pulled off of the dark web or something, just absolutely evil. Like we're all trying, we're all here doing our best and do, and trying to connect in beautiful ways with other people through the medium of Twitch, whether it be, you know, your video games, your live music performances, and all the other things that people do here. having have, getting thrown off like that

Jamie: 45:01

podcasts, perhaps like a collective maybe.

Adan: 45:04

a collective. Yeah. And it it a collective. It leads to, uh, can lead to burnout when you have to face so many robots and other external stressors that you did not plan for.

Rebecca: 45:17

If you're pushing through that though, do you consider that part of your original idea of like starting this because you wanted to grow and expand and, and like be challenged? Or do you find it, or do you find it completely draining?

Adan: 45:29

whenever I have to deal with stuff like that, it is draining. but my, my original goal was just put, get, get richer gaming back in the video gaming discussion. And with time it, that, that core concept developed further. There are some cornerstones by which I started the channel on and things that I need to remind myself about that, these old games are. Often, not just old games. they are memories, they are snapshots of a time in your life. Uh, maybe you were going through some of the worst times in your life and that game was your only solace, your only bright spot in an otherwise miserable existence.

Jamie: 46:07

Star Valley

Adan: 46:08

maybe a game was, was a part of the best times of your life, and you wanna relive that too. And think about some of the old friends who you developed great connections with. Either way, these old games are here to help us remember the best parts of ourselves and hopefully bring those old good parts of ourselves to the present instead of leaving them in the past.

Jamie: 46:30

now, shall we talk about burnout?

Adan: 46:35

I guess we can, because yeah, the, um, because there's been a lot of, uh, a lot of tangents, but it still comes back to your original question of. Do I wanna burn it down and walk away? How many times do I think about it? And the answer is constantly that there's, the past few minutes of conversation have revealed all of the, the burdens that come externally and internally with being a live content creator, um, among the many types of content creator out there.'cause you, you cultivate a following. You create these connections with specific people and you're also tasked with maintaining your brand, your presence to, release some sort of material that lets the public aware of what you're doing, trying to justify your existence out there in this cold, judgmental world. And sometimes dealing with that existential burden is hard and you're just like, well, what if I did burn it down and walk away? What if I never had to worry about putting on another stream? What if I never had to think about the next game I wanted to play? What if I never had to think about the next console I wanted to buy? What if I didn't have to think about buying a$75 cable to make something work correctly? Kind of stuff. there's just so much that happens in the back of a streamer's mind that no one ever knows about.'cause we're up here being a bunch of goofy goobers with each other and having a good time. but the, all of the infrastructure that supports those good times is, is a lot to deal with.

Rebecca: 48:07

You literally just described emotional labor.

Adan: 48:11

Alright, good to know.

Rebecca: 48:14

No, I mean, no, it, it is like that same, I mean, when women run the household, that's the same thing. Just like constantly having to go through everything and it's just always a never ending list. And it's like you, it, you're right, it looks just like a fun time, but the level of emotional labor that you're putting into this, behind the scenes is exhausting.

Adan: 48:33

Yeah, I suppose that is pretty true because there's the, I don't know how other streamers have their methodology behind it, but, um, I. Every single game that I decide to play to completion on stream is the end result of an agonizing several weeks of internal debate about what goes next.'cause whatever I'm playing right now, the game that follows has to feel somewhat complimentary in nature or different enough that it keeps things interesting. I need to make sure, and on some level that I enjoy it, and that it's also a streamable game. There are many very wonderful games out there that just are really shitty to stream and should not be, and should only really be experienced personally in private. but perhaps a skilled individual out there who is really good at streaming can make those games entertaining. I'm not gonna sit here and try to overstep my limits. I, I know where my personal limits

Jamie: 49:33

us a boring ass game. We'll play it. We'll play it after, after the show, all three of

Adan: 49:38

I wouldn't say,

Jamie: 49:39

You'll like it.

Rebecca: 49:41

No, he doesn't like doing group games. Remember, he said he only plays by himself?

Adan: 49:45

yeah, the, yeah, that's, and that's, and that's one of my other sort of, and, and, and I know this makes me an edge case demographic and I don't care that, um, the, the rise of online multiplayer gaming is, has been a, a scourge on the landscape of video gaming itself and has, given rise to some of the worst human beings to ever walk this earth to have platforms. you, you can look at the top 20 of the most watched content creators out there, and you'll be like, oh, piece of shit. And,

Rebecca: 50:16

know. I really like that puberty pie guy. I think he's pretty good.

Adan: 50:19

oh yeah, I'm, uh, I'm sure his ideas are, uh, are, are worth doing a one arm salute for,

Jamie: 50:26

I was just watching Rebecca's face the whole time. No. Okay.

Rebecca: 50:31

Oh, what? Oh no. The

Jamie: 50:32

she goes, no,

Adan: 50:33

Yeah. We all know how much of a piece of shit PewDiePie is. Let's, like, as soon as, like I, I was, I was, I had encountered a content creator who was partnered with G Fuel and I'm like, okay, I'm thinking I've got a few bucks to burn. I think I'll go at least do a, a courtesy G fuel purchase. And then I went to the G Fuel website and I saw that dude's face on the front page and I'm like, Nope. Can't do this.

Jamie: 50:56

Yeah, no,

Adan: 50:57

Yep. that brand is dead to me. Yes. Cosmic a Roman salute. she's streaming sub natica'cause there's a lot of material mining that's hard to keep commentary going on. Yeah. And I've definitely seen other streamers do sub natica, but they're probably, they're probably playing it in a specific fashion that makes it entertaining to a viewer and not fulfilling to the player.

Jamie: 51:20

And that sucks.'cause like, I don't know, I guess it can get to that point with like a lot of streamers where they're literally just doing it for the views, you know? So just doing it what everybody else wants and it's not what they want at all.

Adan: 51:35

Yeah. and I refuse to do that because I will ch, thi this is probably like a neurodivergent trapping, but I'm not gonna force myself to play a game that I'm not interested in for the sake of viewership numbers. I'm here to indulge in my own happiness too, dammit. And I'm grateful for everyone who wants to join in on that ride. But comp, compromising my own sense of joy, just for another 10 people to be added to a number that really doesn't matter that much. not worth sacrificing my integrity and my

Jamie: 52:04

it's literally just like faking an orgasm. Like why would you do that? Why would you do that to

Adan: 52:09

right? W why would you reward mediocrity?

Jamie: 52:13

Yeah, don't do that. Get rid of him.

Adan: 52:18

Yep. Streamline it for the sake of your own enjoyment. that's what I feel like this medium is all about. and you know, in, at least in, in the initial few years before a lot of IRL things took over the, the other operating philosophy was, if I don't display that, I give a shit about this. Who's gonna want to give a shit about it? so yeah, maybe for the first six month, the really low-fi presentation of, okay, camera here, video game here, and go. There needed to be, I felt there needed to be more substance than that because I felt like the source material that I'm mining deserved better'cause. I love my retro games. I will happily, I will happily fire up Super Mario Brothers three with some Pizza Hut on a Friday night and play it like I'm seven years old again. That's a true joy right there.

Rebecca: 53:10

realized this is the adult version of Mom come, mom, come watch me play. Like when em was little and she was playing, she's like, mom, come watch me play. So

Jamie: 53:18

It is

Rebecca: 53:19

this is just the adult version. I love

Adan: 53:21

yeah. And yeah, and, and even e even more to that point, it's, uh, like, yeah, there's the mom Come watch me play. Or I've also heard, uh, streaming on Twitch re referred to as busking with video games. here I am on a virtual street corner playing, playing my drums, but it's, you know, running really quickly through Donkey Kong country. Yes, Horing, horing myself out for a, uh, for a console that I, uh, that, that pulled several hundred dollars out of me, and I'll leave it at that. I've, I quoted the real number, but I just, I don't, I feel a little cringe quoting the

Jamie: 53:54

not gonna say the real number. And he's like, okay, this, he's like, this, uh, cartridge was two 50.

Rebecca: 53:59

a Mitsubishi's worth of

Jamie: 54:01

He's like, now it's 700. He is like, and 700. But I'm not gonna tell you, I'm not gonna tell you how much.

Adan: 54:08

Yeah. It's'cause if I try to boil it down into dollars and cents, if I try to boil it down to profitability, that, I feel sabotage is the end goal. I'm in it for the love of the game. I'm not here to make thousands of dollars. I'm not here to become. Justin Wong or an Eternal enigma or, any of, any other of the big names you can think of in the streaming space? I am. I, I can only be me. Um, sure. I will happily adapt other ideas from other streamers. There's, there, there's two thirds of my stream is shit that I straight up ripped off of other streamers and just adapted it in hopefully a clever fashion so that no one notices that. Yeah, I was, I'm a giant ripoff artist, but that goes back to what I said earlier. Nothing we're doing is original. We're standing on the shoulders of giants. All we can do is to, hopefully progress the medium instead of, instead of hold it back. Because even here in 2025, as I sit here in the streaming chair, I could still be someone's first experience. In jumping onto a live streaming platform, there's plenty of people out there who have not experienced, Twitch TV or even any other Instagram lives. YouTube live, whatever. Ardell. Hello friend. yeah.

Jamie: 55:25

some, I had something to comment on and now I don't remember.

Adan: 55:29

Was it something Zeki said?

Jamie: 55:31

No,

Adan: 55:32

Okay.

Jamie: 55:33

it usually is, but No,

Adan: 55:34

Is it'cause Mer Turtle has a cute cat.

Jamie: 55:37

that is a cute cat.

Adan: 55:38

Yeah. You've seen Charlie. Charlie is one of the most adorable.

Jamie: 55:42

So plagiarism was really good. Zeki, so we, we can't shout that out. Manic. So plagiarism, I'll think of it, I guess.

Adan: 55:50

Yeah. Sometimes the question falls out of your head. Sometimes it sticks around, but, Even, even I'm kind of forgetting'cause I know I was harping on one of the fundamentals with which, with which I operate, and I've even forgotten the tangent I went on for that.

Rebecca: 56:05

How do you know you're done?

Adan: 56:07

I think I, I, I don't know when I'm done. This is the hardest part about knowing when I'm done with all of this is that I can sit there between streams. I can have good conversations and discord, good dms in other places with other people in my community. And then I come on stream and I have an amazing stream. I don't feel rusty, I feel confident. Everything locks into place. I conduct the show perfectly seamless from beginning to end. and that reinvigorates me getting that refill of encouragement from a good stream. it, it, sure, it sure does. Quiet the voice of wanting to burn it down and walk away, but the voice will always come back. and that's one of the frustrating things is when does that voice actually have a legitimate claim to saying, okay, it's, it's time to stop Now that you're, there are other people who are doing it better. Their, re retro gaming has definitely reached a point where it no longer needs this kind of push. is it no longer personally satisfying for me to stream so many, so many factors go into. My continued enjoyment of live streaming. and, but as time wears on, I still feel closer. It's watching those grains of the hourglass trickle on down to the bottom part. only IOO only, my problem is I can't see what the top part of that hourglass looks like. I just keep on somehow getting some more grains of sand trickling through that bottleneck

Rebecca: 57:38

How has hosting a stream and hosting this community like shown up in your real life? Like have you, have you found that just in dealing with people, it's given you new skills or like better tools in your toolbox or like at work

Adan: 57:50

I, being, I've been at my current job for almost three years and. Being that I would've interviewed for this job back in 2022 when COVID fears were still high, when, uh, when there was a lot of remote interviews going on. being a live streamer helped to give the most polished remote interview that these people have ever seen in their entire lives. And I'm convinced that that's what helped, helped me land, not one, but two jobs.

Jamie: 58:21

Were you in the darkness?

Adan: 58:22

Oh, I was, yeah. I'm always in the darkness. this room, this room cannot help but be dark. You come into my bedroom,

Jamie: 58:28

like for a job interview,

Adan: 58:29

oh, I wasn't putting, I wasn't putting on the background stuff. I wasn't putting on the blue light. It was just, it was just white light. I, I wasn't, I wasn't using my, my entire streaming, uh, my entire streaming graphic set. It was just my camera and with a, with a tasteful frame around it. And, uh, and that was it. But being able to show up with a clear cam, uh, with a higher end microphone. That made me sound good. and showing people, Hey, basically I wanted the interviewers to be like, how did this dude do this on WebEx kind of thing. it's a subliminal way of showing a technical prowess. that's what's so cool about live streaming is that there's so much technical shit that goes on with it. And I've been, my, my entire adult career has been in it. I am, I am a technologist by trade. Um, maternal, yes. Elevating WebEx. and, being a live streamer lends itself to, you know, the job thing. Uh, the fact that it led to, uh, back in the fall of 23, having my own manic con with a surprisingly wonderful turnout from across the country in Vegas. There was a good, like, uh, 12 of us, I wanna say that. I'm like, wow, I actually have gravity here. And, we all hung out. I, I made sure to, to get a rather large hotel room that we could all, uh, gather in. And it was all smiles, all love, all delicious food. memories that will be cherished forever. Friendships that will carry on, whether I'm streaming or not. People who I will want to stay in contact with for as long as possible. being, being a live streamer for a certain amount of time and really making sure that you're connecting with people will irreversibly change your life, hopefully for the better.

Jamie: 1:00:17

You.

Rebecca: 1:00:18

There been like other meetups afterward

Adan: 1:00:19

no. There have been other, like smaller, like I, I've gone and hung out with other specific individuals, uh, in their respective cities, but no larger meetups, unfortunately.

Rebecca: 1:00:31

It's good to have that network though. I mean, like if you are bringing people from across the country, I mean, you never know when you're gonna need to move or need a new job somewhere. It's at least good to know

Adan: 1:00:39

Yeah, exactly.

Rebecca: 1:00:41

quality people.

Adan: 1:00:42

Yeah. And it, and it kind of opens up, it changes one's possible travel plans. Like I've, I've been a fan of the Baltimore Ravens football team for a very long time, and one of my community members happens to live in the vicinity of that team, with, without doxing them too hard or anything like that, even though they're pretty open about that. Um, but. I'm like, well, maybe someday I make sure that I hang out with this person. And, uh, and, and we go to a couple of games.'cause I, I have an IRL best friend, who has a life goal of visiting every major league, baseball park, every stadium that a baseball team plays in. And I'm like, well maybe that kind of, uh, kind of rubs off a little bit and I'll want to go visit other places. And yeah, I may wanna, I might wanna go see the, uh, I might want to go see a, a blades hockey game zeki, that would be, uh, that would be enough, to get me over. Or even like a Papa Roach concert.

Jamie: 1:01:38

a Blades hockey game, a.

Adan: 1:01:41

That's what we're all about.

Rebecca: 1:01:44

right. I'm done asking questions. Jamie, it's your turn.

Jamie: 1:01:46

Well, I mean, I don't know. I don't know if I have any more questions.

Adan: 1:01:50

Oh, you have all of the

Jamie: 1:01:52

I have story, I have stories. I could share stories, but

Adan: 1:01:56

yeah, I mean, a, a story is something that we can riff on. I mean, what, I mean, what would be the biggest story that comes to mind for you, Jamie?

Jamie: 1:02:05

I was joking. I was actually like, I, you know, just more sex stuff to make Rebecca upset.

Adan: 1:02:13

and this one time at Super Nintendo World, it was a, a very innocent and sweet visit that was getting go visiting Universal Hollywood for the second time was just as good, if not better than the first.

Jamie: 1:02:25

It better have been better than the first, I don't even, what are you talking about?

Adan: 1:02:30

Yeah, it was by, by all measurements better.'cause being able to walk into you threw me a birthday party, a two person birthday party in the hotel room, but nevertheless,

Jamie: 1:02:41

With lots of

Adan: 1:02:42

a.

Jamie: 1:02:42

So manic, please tell everybody where they can find you, what you're streaming next when you're streaming next.

Adan: 1:02:49

Well, you can, um, officially on my schedule. You can find me at Twitch tv slash man Socratic on Saturday. I'll be doing a very long stream involving the Game Cube version of The Legend of Zelda, the Wind Waker Proper Game Cube version, not the version that is found on Nintendo Switch to switch online, real n Real Game Cube Hardware, real copy of Wind Waker. Um, and fall goes well. I should be able to complete it on Saturday with a good, you know, six or seven hour stream. I like to, uh, occasionally pop out along Saturday stream. You might find me tomorrow night because tomorrow night's an unsanctioned, unscheduled stream, quote unquote. I might get a little chaotic.

Jamie: 1:03:32

All right. Love you guys. Bye.

Rebecca: 1:03:34

love you guys. Bye.