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Is that like romanticizing your life? Is that kind of what that's like? I never really get the romanticizing your life thing. No, that's dissociating in public.

Jamie: 0:11

I'm Jamie. And I'm Rebecca. Welcome to the Burnout Collective.

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Hey! Hey, everybody. We're here. Oh, yeah, announcement Buffy reboot incoming. yeah, that pretty much made our last what? 7 years. Joss Whedon has nothing to do with it and Sarah Michelle Gellar will be like the the Giles to this new Slayer. I wonder if it's going to be Dawn. That's very exciting. part of me is still kind of unsure about dawn. I'm still kind of like, I mean, yes. Okay. But it hits different watching it as an adult than it did as a kid. She was so whiny when you were a kid, but as an adult, you're like, Oh my God, this child is neglected. yeah, so we're in your podcast apps. This is just another reminder. honestly, if you listen to us on Twitch and join us on Twitch live and are like, I'm not going to listen to the episodes on iTunes or Spotify, that's fine, but please go and follow us on whichever podcast app you use and hit the follow button, which is apparently subscribe and, give us a rating. Preferably five stars, but if you are dissatisfied. There's also a line you can text. Nobody's used it yet. I don't think anybody's noticed. But you can text us things. And they send pictures. I don't know. I haven't tried it. So somebody go ahead and give that a try.. Why did we not think that question at all until right now? we know we said that we were going to have a guest again. the itis has gotten everyone. It is all I see. So the itis has gotten everyone. So we're going to try again when everyone feeling better. Myself included, so what are we talking about today, Rebecca? We are talking about maybe one of my number one burnout topics. Don't you dare fucking ask me what is for dinner one more time. Talking about food. Yeah. I didn't realize just how burnt out we had been on food until. Probably a couple years ago when I was just like having a meltdown, Rob was like, what are we gonna have for dinner? I don't fucking care. I don't care. I don't care. And since then, he's never asked her again. Have you Rob? Never asked again. I love this topic. Yes. I have gluttonous fatigue. I feel this deeply.. We're doing a trigger warning. We will be talking about food if that It's not something you want to hear about or don't feel good about. Totally understand. Feel free to come back for a different episode. That is not something that makes you feel uncomfortable. we will be touching lightly on 90s eating disorders, which pretty much every child born in 1980 has. At some point. Yeah. it's not a My Special episode, but just in case that's something that makes you feel a little squiggy, then just wanted to let you know. Yeah. and we do love food overall. Like we do love it. Food's great. Two thumbs up. Food is great. yeah, but we'll definitely give another little trigger warning if we are, if and when we do touch lightly on eating disorders. but other than that, there's not going to be much talk about it. Yeah, so this was my idea. and I realized just how much I was sick of thinking and talking about food, probably mid pandemic. I didn't realize just, and this was like when it happened and, restaurants weren't really delivering, you couldn't get, you couldn't really go out, DoorDash wasn't in the area. that ramped up really quickly, but in the six months that we didn't have it, it was just like staring into the refrigerator space and be like, I can't, I have never spent this much time in my life thinking this much about food and how to get it and where to get it. and it was just exhausting, especially cause you couldn't go shopping. and they ran out of a lot of like safe foods, like peanut butter. So it was just, all consuming at one point. Oh my god, that was a pun. It was an all consuming, just, obsession at one point, and I just got sick of thinking about, and just, and I, someone who loves to eat food, lost all of its appeal, really quickly, and has continued to be somewhat unappealing since then. Yeah, that, that happened to me since I started ADHD meds. And, I was on Vyvanse for a while. And I do think I'm trying to decide, I do think Vyvanse was way worse for my appetite than Adderall, which is what I'm on now. but definitely both still very much affect me. so sometimes there are things that, We got to do to get our appetite back or, we have to eat the same foods over and over. Cause that's the only thing that's tasting good to us that, that week or that month even. And one of the funny things we were thinking about yesterday, we were talking, with our friend Pat was for kids who grew up in the nineties, there was so much weird shit that we were given as children to eat that like we have never seen again. We didn't even really grow up with a concept of food food. I'm gonna throw out green ketchup, sorry, purple ketchup. I don't need everything that was filled with I think Gushers came out then. Every weird flavored milk. When did Lunchables come out? When did those first come out? The 90s? It feels I feel like they've always been there. But yeah, Lunchables, which, I do making my own Lunchables now. Yeah. So we just had all this weird, like convenience food. Oh, the toaster strudels that came out and then they had the, like this, the hot pockets. So everything was just really, and plus if you had boomer parents who grew up in the Midwest, a lot of shit just came out from a can or from a microwavable bag. Yeah. Which, but, which is fine. if that's what you're gonna eat, that's what you eat. Yeah. I'm just saying, we didn't exactly learn how to cook actual real food from any of that, Yeah, very true. And we were released into the wild and suddenly in charge of feeding ourselves. It's oh shit, I don't know how to do this. Yeah, lots of crock pot stuff I knew how to make, and the only other thing I knew how to make was spaghetti sauce for 20 people. I'm like, oh, true. That's what I do. I do have a lot of recipes for Rebecca's favorite soup, different soups and chili. Do you like chili? Is chili a soup to you? Yes, it's a soup. Yeah. I can't imagine you liking chili. That's just strange. You are a very strange individual. Chili is more of a stew. I can't get that. Canned spinach. Yeah. Yeah. That's disgusting. you can't spell stew without you. So there you go. But what's your I mean, like, how are you going to define a stew then? Cause soup to you, you're like, oh, it's just like wet vegetables. What's a stew? Stew is soup you have to chew. It's wet, chewy, wet vegetables. It's chewy, wet vegetables that you have to chew in order to get it down. Rebecca doesn't hear that. And I'm so pleased because she'll just hear it when she edits his audio later. Look forward to it. but yeah, so that was the genesis of this and we've definitely gotten a lot better, but, I think 1 of the other issues was we were living in an area in Phoenix where, they didn't have instacart services yet. They didn't have door dash services yet. Again, that quickly changed, but for a while, it's just oh, what do we do? What do we do? What do we do? I like this. Do you guys think you'll make a burnout cookbook? For like, easy meals? Or is it such an off putting topic that it sounds awful? No, but it would literally be like, get some cheese out of the drawer, sniff it to make sure it's still good, and then you're good to go. Put it on a cold tortilla, put it in the microwave for 30 seconds, and then slice an apple and eat it with a spoonful of peanut butter. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Nutrition maybe we'll do like a digital download where it's just like-free and it's funny. With the pandemic, we didn't realize how much socializing and community was based around food. So my, my family is German, Italian. So food is everything. all of the activities we do involve food and then when we couldn't see each other. food became unappealing and the fact that it was like depressing because you were eating it alone like the first thanksgiving eating without family it's like usually something that you're excited about it was just such a bummer yeah to eat because it was like looking at something that could have been but wasn't then like food is such depressing yeah and food is such a big just like cultural thing for so many different groups of people And it does mean community and it is a big deal, feeding yourself and feeding loved ones. I think that's it's a joke in my family where my grandma, my mom's mom, and my mom and me, if you come over like I will probably be asking you way too many times if I can get you something to eat or drink, because it's like, are you sure? Are you sure? Because, I want to take care of you. I want to feed you. I want to give you all the beverages for your beverage goblin needs, I want you to feel at home. I want you to be comfortable, and I want you to be fulfilled, That sounds weird, but, Yeah, the other thing was having all your safe. I think I mentioned earlier having all like the safe foods unavailable. so with IBS, it's really difficult to, I have a very set amount of food that I can eat and bread or peanut butter, like easy stuff that everyone wanted and was gone. And then there was a recall on Jeff. Which, things were bad, and I think I lost my shit more than I should have, but that kind of put me over the edge. Did you try a different peanut butter, and you were just like, it was not it? No, and that's when the autism sensory meltdown happened, because it tasted weird and smelled weird and looked weird and wasn't what I was used to. But that was a big thing, it was the, it was, Everything else is so up in the air. You can't even control what you're eating. Oh my God. And it was just, it was crazy. I also did I don't know if you did this, but I remember during the pandemic, there was like bartering like Ruth and I, she lives close. My friend Ruth lives close to me. So because they were out of a bunch of things, I remember like we would go for a walk and meet like halfway between our apartments, like in our masks. And I think even on Cinco de Mayo or something, we both poured, made margarita in a to go cup and walked and met each other and like cheers on the sidewalk to drink our margaritas and then walk out. but we would barter. So I remember literally bringing her like a packet or two of yeast. And then, she gave me some toilet paper because we were, like, out of toilet paper. We got us a prison. Yeah, we were. We were, like, bartering. I'm like, how many packs of cigarettes, do you want for this flower? it was ridiculous. It was silly, but it's just, thinking back now, I can laugh about it, but yeah, back during the pandemic, that was insane. That's when we, right around, we found Imperfect Foods, which has been a game changer. Yeah. Yeah. I've tried the meal delivery services, but again, with Arizona, like the heat was just not great for that, but the perfect foods was, it was a little bit better because they packed with cold stuff, but that was great because I'm going to have to go to the grocery store. And that's also just been a game changer, even now, or it's just I don't want to go to the store, but, once that all became available, that kind of made things easier. But then again, it was still like, fuck, I still have to cook my own food. I still have to deal with this. Yeah. We used to go to mutual parking lot and sit across from each other in lawn chairs and drink margs. I did that with Ruth. We went out, we met in on like a parking lot that was actually on the roof of some grocery stores and stuff nearby and we just went and then leaned against our cars and hung out and like I think we ate dinner together or something like we had our dinner with us and we ate dinner and talked like because you missed that and like I mean she was living with her boyfriend but like I was living alone I was completely alone beside like my cat so Needed, to get that community a little bit somewhere. We still socially distanced and, wore masks when we weren't eating or drinking, but, Yeah, just some bonkers things we did during that time. And then everyone who had their coping mechanisms taken away from them and were suddenly realizing that they were, in fact, ADHD, got put on medication, and then that was a whole weird thing because then it was just, For just not even not hungry. It was just the thought of food was nauseating, but then you still have to feed the people in your house and, you still have to eat because. living and that was just that just made a whole other like weird layer of weird feelings about food on top of it. Yeah and then there's other layers too if you're vegan or vegetarian but no seriously that aside different dietary restrictions like celiac having to work around that having to work around that going out so I should make vegan, an alert and it'll pop up with all the vegan emojis or something. We'll do that for next time. Yeah. And I think the other thing we talked about was it was, so I think it's when I was 11, my mom taught me how to count Weight watchers points and taught me how to count food weight watchers points. And so since then, I have always had this running tally of food in the back of my head, like constantly, it has just been constant and getting older and growing out of it, it had been hard, but I had started to do it. And then again, having to be so focused, focused on food, where it was coming from, how you're going to get it, what you're going to make it. really just brought that back up again and it felt bad to be thinking about food that much and like you were obsessing over it again. Well, also that's when like you learn and that's a big part of, I think, definitely food trauma that I have, but I think many people have is growing up with that. And there are foods that are like, that are good and bad, Oh, don't eat a donut for breakfast. That's bad. like you should eat You know, oatmeal for breakfast or like fresh fruit and Greek yogurt with extra protein. And this is good and this is bad. And so that's definitely something that I think I'm still working through and it's hard to work through because society still does that. Like society is still telling us that foods are good and foods are bad. And I've been working with myself and like my own trauma surrounding, eating and food and honestly eating disorders like and just food is morally neutral yeah yes exactly food is morally neutral and just feed yourself like don't focus so much on What you've been told or what, or the, like the calories or the fat or whatever. if you're gonna eat a McDonald's burger for breakfast, because that's the only thing you can keep down. That's the only thing that doesn't make you feel miserable. go for it. that's what you should eat. I think it's different with a kid that like dealing all this with a kid who was growing and knowing you had to provide them actual nutrition and. What did I say? I said the pandemic put a gun to our head as far as eating went. It really did. It's what are we eating and when are we eating and how are we doing it and where are we doing it and how, like, how are we doing it? It was just That's that's what being vegan is like all the time, by the way. You're always like, where's my next vegan meal coming from? You're like, where am I going to eat? What's my next vegan thing I'm going to eat? I'm serious. No, you don't get, heaven points for that, right? you're not going to get extra credit. I'm just saying, you don't have to do that. I do it for you, anyway, cheese is great. I agree, cheese is great. But yeah, so it held a gun to your head, and knowing that you had to come up with this, when also dealing with suddenly working from home, and the major worry about everything that was going on. And I think I mentioned earlier, like my kid had gotten out of the hospital. She had been really sick. So all this kind of compiled on top of each other. And I remember yelling at my husband, don't fucking ask me what's for dinner. I swear to God, don't ask me, don't ask me. I don't want to talk about dinner. I'm like, I finally be like, you're in charge. I don't want to talk about food anymore. And it was great actually was, I don't know why I didn't put him in charge earlier, but having him in charge of stuff. Which, by the way, was maddening because when we did do the meal kits, that fucker would make them look like the recipe cards. Mine always That's me. you tried version of it, but his was like, he's I'm going to play this. And then he would wipe the edges with a damp cloth. So there weren't any smears and do the sauce. And where's Rob's hidden food porn Instagram. I need to find a, it was infuriating. It was infuriating. So good. Yeah. I. Yeah, I was just going to say, I did meal services for a little while. I did purple carrot, which was, for a little while, but then I also did, blue apron, and I leaned more toward blue apron just cause I liked the recipes better and I just kept it. I kept my subscription active, but you can always like skip weeks. So I would just go through and I would like skip. all the next like week or two or whatever was available. And then once in a while I'd go into the app and be like, Oh, does anything look good? if they had anything on the menu that I'm like, excuse me. Oh, I really liked that. I'll get it this week or I'll get it next week. And I did that for a while. And that actually helped me like blue apron for a long time, helped me eat because, I might even be due to do that sometime soon, just because I can't remember the last time I've really cooked myself a meal. it's been, everyone knows my, everyone knows by now my journey with my depression house and definitely made major progress on it before this. past weekend, by the way, so feeling really good about that, even though I have work to do. but I think I might be due for that because it's just I didn't have room to cook for myself. And I didn't have room to cook for myself in many senses of that. I didn't have room mentally. I didn't have room physically because like my counter space was all covered or I still had pots and pans stocked on my stove. Didn't have like enough clean dishes or pots and pans sometimes to do it. The other thing was we talked about, it was literally the need to eat your feelings and depression, anxiety, but also being canceled out by the ADHD meds. So you just ended up eating really weird shit. That sounded good. Like peppermint ice cream for months. That's all I ate. Cause that just was the only thing that didn't make me want to barf. I could eat a lot of it. And then not feel sick, And then I just didn't want to look at it anymore ever again. A peanut butter and a pickle and mustard sandwich, for example, did that during the pandemic. I remember that and that was a really hard part of our friendship. That was a really difficult time. You guys, I was doing like live, I was like live, doing live Instagram stories about this sandwich because people had told me to try it. And I tried to make it, but, then, I lost my train of thought. Oh, so I was doing like live stories of it on Instagram and during while I was making them, I, my videos are interrupted because I'm getting spam calls from Rebecca telling me, don't you eat that? Jamie, what are you doing? I swear to God, don't eat that. But I did and it was good. I just wanted to be able to say that I was that friend who told you don't do it. Don't do it. It was good. I don't regret it. I have no regrets. It's a good story. That was just really hard. It was a really hard time just watching you eat that shit. That makes the glands in the back of my neck stand up, by the way. Just, thinking about that sandwich. Well, I'm so glad I could bring this up for you. No, but With the sensory stuff, when you have safe foods and when you're very picky eater, that was another, that's the other exhausting thing. Like everything else aside, if you're a picky eater or you grew up as a picky eater kid, or again, like really limited to how much you can eat, that's a whole other fucking nightmare to deal with on top of everything else. we talked about eating the only foods that we can stand at certain times, but also eating so much of something that you can't possibly look at it, much less eat it ever again. and Chinese food for months recently has been my like, I don't know why Chinese food, it just has hit certain part of my brain and, it's been months of it. I think some I recently, like with, within the last few months. I, mine was, there were these mashed potatoes. from this very specific steakhouse and I would order them delivery and I think I ordered them for delivery like three or four nights in a row, one week. I think they were like, Al Groton mashed potatoes. but they were just so good. And I was like, Oh, this is perfect. And this is what I need. And so I would get that and I don't know what else I got from there. Probably just like a side of broccoli or Brussels sprouts or something. But I just kept ordering that. And I was like, yes, thank you. I didn't get sick of it though. I just stopped eating it, but my story of something that I got sick of, when I was about 11, 10 or 11, my family went to Disney World for the first and only time and we had a seven passenger minivan. And it was my whole family, which is five people and my grandparents. So seven passengers, seven passenger van, seven people. We drove from Michigan. To Florida. That was an adventure. but because my family is so frugal, we didn't want to stop a lot. sure. Yeah, we did stop. We would stop and get like fast food once in a while, like on road trips and stuff like that. But, when we went to the park, Oh, the park foods way too expensive. Like we can't. We can't buy park food. So my mom decided, that she was gonna make sandwiches and like the hotel we were staying in and which had a little kitchenette, I'm sure. And, made sandwiches for us. wrap them up, put them in a cooler, put them in the back of the van, and when we were hungry we would go out to the parking lot and we would eat our sandwiches. And we did that every day we were there. I could not look at another sandwich without wanting to throw up for such a long time. it got so bad that when we got back, I'm trying to think how many days, I think it was like, I don't know, anywhere from three or four or five days. When we got back from the trip, when we got back from Disney World, I would get sent to school with my lunch and I always got a sandwich. He's got a sandwich in my lunch. I. For some reason, probably because I'm like such like the perfect amazing angel child, I didn't want to hurt my mom's feelings. I didn't want to say please don't pack me a sandwich in my lunch. I don't want to look at sandwiches anymore. I can't after Disney World and eating sandwiches in the parking lot every day. that I just let I just didn't say anything. And I think for a while I would save them and be like, Oh, maybe I'll eat it the next day. But then it was gross and I wouldn't eat it the next day. So I just started throwing them out. So then I am feeling guilty about it, but still throwing them out. So I threw away my sandwich. My mom would make an entire sandwich every day and throw it out, throw it out. I'm pretty sure I probably was like crying one day. And I was like, Mom, I have to tell you, I've been throwing my sandwich out every day because ever since Disney world, I can't eat another sandwich. But everybody will be pleased to know that I love sandwiches to this day and, can eat them again. So that's my story. I applaud your honesty and integrity. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you.. Tangent, like tangential though to this, throwing away our sandwiches at school. We did talk a lot about, especially growing up in the 90s, and being surrounded, oh my god, constantly by the teeniest, tiniest people ever on every, trigger warning, a little bit of, eating disorder talk. And it would just be like, but also milk. the skinniest people, but also, All the milk ads in the, also with milk mustaches. Yeah. Skinny people with milk mustaches. that's how we jam. We ate and we drank so much milk. but it was just, and then all the clothes were also tiny, so the low rise jeans, the crop tops, the, I don't even know. So you had to be teen and daddy and you couldn't eat. and anyone who looked remotely, I would walk home from school and there was a boy who would, Walk behind me going dun and he would sing the whale song with another guy that they had made up and they called me thunder thighs and just after I know I just was normal girls. I've got thunder thighs. Hi. But it was like just normal size. But yeah, it was the late 90s, early 2000s. And so That scene in Mean Girls where she's Whatever, I'm gonna have cheese fries. I laughed really hard because we would throw away the lunches our parents gave us and then get, mozzarella sticks and Diet Coke or cheese fries and Diet Coke and, split it amongst us and we'd each have one chicken nugget. We ate as little food as possible and then the food we did eat was shit. Or hot Cheetos. That was the other one. And it's like Cheetos and sour candy. And our parents like packed us these like nutritious, like good lunches really. But then it's just but then no, but then it's just I'm not going to eat that. I'm not going to eat that because that's too much food. I'm gonna get cheese fries. It's okay, you do you. Sam said, As a dad, I'd like to make a case for the dad sandwiches. We make them better because we add on more than needed. Hence much more of the good stuff. Well, no, you add on the stuff that needs to be used up from the refrigerator, like the apricot or cherry jam. Other tangent, the dad banana. It is great to have a dad around the house. I'm sorry, what? The dad banana. Like when you get the bananas that are perfect. Oh, yeah, and are good. And then they start turning to yellow. And then they get like spots on them and then there's that one shitty ass banana left and the only person in the house will eat it is the dad. Yeah, except now. I cut them in half and I freeze them and make them into smoothies or banana bread. I don't know if it was just growing up where we did or just that certain age, but there wasn't a whole lot of focus on. On like food and how to cook. And it was just a lot of convenience food, which, because a lot of moms had gone back to work then. Right. and so they weren't a lot of moms weren't at home anymore. And so they had to be their kids and they fed their kids convenient food. And so a lot of what we had was quick and fast and convenient, which is totally great. But again, as an adult, so unprepared and her mom had, my mom was a boomer, her mom, everything. when my mom's little came from like a can so a lot of like canned things or shelf stable because they had the depression era mentality and so there wasn't a whole lot of fresh fruits and vegetables and so not being exposed to a wide variety of food either it didn't help with that picky eating thing. Yeah I always think I'm not really that picky of an eater but I guess I am picky because like I also I'm vegetarian, but like, I'm weird about vegetables. I won't eat onions, won't eat mushrooms except on pizza. Or possibly roasted dude. Roasting changed roasting has been the slimy mushrooms. No cooking food for chicken and put it on a roasting pan. That has been as someone who grew up eating like microwaved or steamed vegetables with no fat or seasoning on them, or with some Velveeta cheese, broccoli or what is the Vietnam, right? that is good, but just I never liked them, but roasting them. Oh, yeah. Game changer. And that has been like my easy go to just throw that shit on a roasting pan and call it a day. And that's actually really good. Yeah. I thought I hated broccoli and that I hated, Brussels sprouts, especially when I was a kid, but I love those two things now. Those are some of my favorite vegetables. yeah. But. And making dinner too. Cause that's the other thing, when we started working from home, I think a lot of people started working more hours because it felt like we had to be on all the time, especially if you weren't used to working from home, so a lot of people were working and then you didn't have time to really make food and make meals. And so it felt rushed. and then it was just like, what do I do? And it was late. And so that was the other thing that kind of contributed to just that food burnout was being stressed about it all the time. What do I do? Literally just us in our kitchen screaming, what do I do? Holding up like dad bananas, one in each hand, throwing them against the floor ground as hard as we can, then slipping on them. Oh, that's true. So you brought up a good point. Like today's kids, if they're eating and scrolling, then it's just almost like that whole food is fuel thing. They're just intake it. And I don't think they're really experiencing it. yeah, I wonder how that's gonna affect them. that could be good though, because you're like, here, I made dinner, and you just give them your plate or your sandwich, Sam, or whatever, and just give them something good to get. I wish somebody would do that for me. Yeah. If anybody's, Jamie, I dad wants to come over and, no. Listen, I made my own baby food. It was organic and I made all that shit. I did all that shit. what's wrong with you? Truly gave her every, that fucking child, the second she had a McDonald's chicken nugget, it was over. It was over. Well, obviously. She was like, shit now, I can't get any nutrition in her at all. It's just Hey. She likes broccoli. She likes wet, steamed, plain flavorless broccoli. That's true, but she's also a picky eater and also sensory issues. So it's just like watching it all over again. The other one we were talking about is everyone made so much fun of a girl dinner. First of all, those bitches were at least eating. And second of all, it's like a homemade charcuterie board of food. It's just like a toddler dinner, this little bits of that. It is toddler dinner. We used to take an ice cube tray and just put like little bits of different foods in them for her for dinner. So she could pick and snack and not get tired or something. That's what we do now for grownups and it works and it's my favorite dinner. I live for toddler dinner. I will eat like crackers and cheese with like apples, peanut butter, or like a few mandarins or toast with like peanut butter and honey or, just like the easy stuff. I would love to, I would love to get back to a place where cooking doesn't feel like a chore. A chore. You know how, you kept talking about, you just, you're obligated to, to do something and then you just dig in. You're like, well, I don't want to anymore. It's like the defiance because someone's telling you have to. I want to get to a point where you cook for fun and you enjoy it. I love cooking. I love cooking. I hate baking. I'm not a baker. there are some things I will bake, but I'm not a baker. I hate it. Not a big. Fan, but cooking I love cooking and I do miss it, but it's just like I don't have the capacity for it right now I don't have the I don't have the spoons to cook for myself right now. But yeah, I to yearn To again enjoy cooking and honestly just cook for myself again Yeah, that would be nice just cook food that you know, and it doesn't feel like it's oh god Someone has to do this now Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, that's that has just been and I didn't realize just how much Food contributed to that feeling of burnout until we started really talking about it. It takes up way more headspace than I do think it does. Yeah Because it's not like one of those it's not like drugs. It's not like smoking. It's not like drinking It's not like something like that. You can Try to get over try to quit like you have to eat to exist You But it is almost like having to deal with it in an addiction type way, especially again, if you have history of eating disorders, it feels like that a lot when you're constantly thinking about it again. yeah. I wonder if I wonder if my veganism actually contributed to my like binge eating disorder. I feel like it may have just the second is I found out Oreos were vegan. If I was a vegan, I'd be like, it's fucking over. Let's go and just eat a whole package of wine That's how it is too. Like we would always joke, we'd be like, oh, let's go to this restaurant and go eat some vegan fat kid food because like they have, a ton of restaurants that it's like a vegan Big Mac, like a vegan, vegan, fried Oreos, vegan donuts, vegan, this, just'cause it's vegan, I don't know. But it was just so much. My partner at the time said to me that, when I stopped being vegan, and I was like, I'm just going to be vegetarian, he was like, I, I'm really glad that you're not vegan anymore. Because it was like, all you could think about was like, okay, like what vegan food am I going to make? Like I mentioned earlier, what vegan food am I going to make? Where are we going to go eat? we would go on vacation and it would be like, okay, now I got to look at all the menus of all these restaurants and find like the best vegan option. And what sounds good to me? And so it was just, it may, it's an eating, like an eating disorder, like veganism. Genuinely, I'm not being funny. do you think it's cause it's a sense of control? And. it's an obsession almost. I understand where you're coming from. I don't think veganism is an eating disorder. I don't think veganism is really even close to that. But I think. It can, like I said, contribute, if you're already on the edge or suffering from an eating disorder, I think it can contribute. anytime you're doing a dietary thing, that's, for you, sorry, I didn't mean Oh, for me, for you, do you feel like it was. I know there's more, but did you feel more? It was just like a. Like a control thing. I want, and to this day, I do. wish that I was vegan, but that's just not what works for my body. And that's not what works for my health, both mental and physical. So I don't do that. And I truly believe everybody, all of us should eat what we want. And if we want to restrict certain things, that's up to us, that's fine, but we shouldn't push that on other people. But I do think that it did contribute to what I was feeling because I do remember like getting cravings for like cheese. Well, that's the other messed up thing is I didn't even realize what is that, like in cheese that like actually is like, An addictive, it's like the casein or whatever. I think that's what it's called, but it's in cheese and it's actually like an, something that you can be addicted to. So like cheese is literally Addicting. good. It should be. I don't know. Yeah. it deserves it. It deserves it. I don't care. There's something about that, having, I used to be better about having stuff prepared, so maybe having some cooked vegetables out, in the fridge that I can just, toss in a plate or bowl and, heat up, or raw veggies. That's Mormons and Virgos, though. That kind of shit is for Mormons and Virgos. That's meal planning. Yeah. But like having, but having like fresh fruits and vegetables like washed and like ready to eat instead of just not ready and then you have to work to prepare them, there's something to be said about that for sure. it takes a little bit of preparation and if you're just wiped out as oh, fuck, I don't wash berries. Yeah. And it's that's another thing too, is like the difference between like you have a kid, you have a husband, I currently live alone, feeding yourself, like, talking about, like, I know recipes, but my recipes are for like an army of 40, cooking for just one person is bonkers, but that's another reason I did Blue Apron, because it was like two person, you could just do a two person meal, and I love leftovers, so basically I would have two meals, So I would eat one when I made it and then eat one the next day or in a couple of days and that worked out well. But then the problem with everyone else is then you have to cater to everybody else's needs and what everybody else wants. And then it's you're not even all having the same thing for dinner most nights, probably. Oh my God. They did an article a couple of years ago about the, what was it? Invisible mental load that women have in the house and it's just like the mental exhaustion that comes from like Keeping the house fucking running and I just this is now it's like a no shit thing But essentially that's just what this is and like it's the mental exhaustion from like it's just part of this How do we keep everyone fed in the house? How do we keep ourselves fed? it's just a constant dial and it's invisible. It's invisible mental labor, just like running the house and keeping track mentally of like, how much soap do we have, how much, dogs need to go to the vet, all this other shit that cleaning, cooking, drink your water, hydrate, take your meds, take your other meds in the middle of the day, take your vitamins, take your meds at night. Get eight hours of sleep. Sorry. It's just no, it's exhausting to talk a lot about like Gen X being neglected because they had to drink from the hose. But honestly, I get it. If I had to keep track, I'd be like, you know what? Yeah, go fucking drink from the hose. It's one last thing to think about. Yes. I wish I could do meal prepping. I just, I've done not meal prepping, but I've done like just snack prepping. Cause that's how I have to eat lately. because it's just, but then you have to eat it. If you make it, you have to eat it. And then what if you don't want to eat it after you've made it? You're like, I don't want that anymore. You have to like, figure out what you want to eat and then also commit to eating it later on. Yeah. But I'm more thinking of prepping like my snacky snacks, because she has a sinus infection. Okay. I am so sorry. I am so disgusting. I just, I am. Extremely sick and this is not a glow. This is sweat. so usually this is gorgeous. You look gorgeous. Yeah. yeah, Ash meal preps. I remember talking to Ash about that and I was so impressed and I feel like Ash has been sticking with that for a long time. I used to do that. I would make big batches of like soups or stews or chili or something like that, or stir fry and, I would, eat it throughout the week, sometimes I'd have it for lunch, sometimes I'd have it for dinner, whatever, and then I'd freeze the rest, but then the problem for me, for my ADHD, is, out of sight, out of mind, so as soon as I freeze it and I put it under stuff in my freezer, which is, like, where things go to die, I never think about it again until I find it, and I'm, like, oh, I'll eat this sometimes, and I leave it in there, I bet the majority of my freezer right now I could just throw out because it's stuff that I froze probably three years ago that I've forgotten about. I'm not lying. Since I started the ADHD meds, and I'm not like hungry all the time, I will eat something, put it down, and then just wander off, and I forget. Yeah. And then I, What is, I'm so angry and I'm like, did I finish eating? And I'll go back and there's a muffin that's just sitting moldering. Yeah. I found a donut once that I put on a plate intending to eat it later on. It's like for a week. I just put it on a plate in the cupboard and then ate it. In the cupboard? Yeah, because I was like, oh, I'll eat this later, and I didn't. You were like hiding it from your family. Yeah, honestly, yes. Okay. Also, Tangent, the other fucking exhausting thing is when you have growing kids and teenagers, they eat everything, and so then you have to go shopping again, where they eat all the good stuff, and then you're out of that, so what you did want to eat is gone, and then you have to eat lesser food that you didn't want to eat. Then you have to say, this is mine, like an asshole, or tell them it's coffee flavored or that there's wine in it. That was the one I don't think I'm going to be able to use much longer. For my niece and nephew, we say Oh, that's for adults. That's what we're using right now. We say that's for adults. It's like soda or it's like coffee ice cream. it's for adults. It's an adult snack. It's an adult drink. I know, but then secret stash in the bedroom. Yes. Yes. In the bathroom behind the toilet paper. It's easy, but then the food just like disappears. Oh, and then because their kids, they don't tell you you're out of something until it's too late. You're like, why didn't you say, Oh, I forgot. Do you think there are any parents that like make their kids, get their own food and make all of their own food? Like you have to go grocery shop. Like, here's your, this is the amount of money you get. Yes, they live in Japan. Have you seen those shows where moms send two year olds to do grocery shopping and they do it really well? Yeah, those kids have to go do that, but also they're smarter than American teenagers. But those aren't even teenagers, those are like I know, that's my point. That's your point, got it. That's my point. so yes, those moms, I don't know. They also, also you can't send them to the store. You know, like kidnapped or. Roboto is going to start going on. What is it? Red note again and watching babies fall down in the snow and. I love watching toddlers do chores. There's a toddler on there who showed you how to make okay, this fucking kid. Boiled water, he boiled water and then he took eggs and Mixed the eggs with chopsticks and then took his little adorable heatproof gloves and put the bowl of eggs in the boiling water and then he put a lid on it and then he like picked it up out of the boiling water and was very careful. He didn't spill a drop. He didn't burn himself. I as an adult would have burned myself at like step three I 100 percent would burp myself, but that's what I mean. Yeah. We really fucked up with our kids because three year olds can make that snack. Yeah. Oh, man. My three year old nephew, with your old nephew, loads the dishwasher and stuff. He has done things where he's, helped take something out of the oven with, the big oven mitts. And it's so cute. We should have like a freezer, a freezer cleaning body double, because I just thought in my head of all the shit that I have in my freezer that I forgot. Oh, let's do that. Yeah, I need to do that. Well, because there are three big things that I want to do. And one I already told you is I need to purge my clothing. I want to purge my bathroom and my skincare and makeup. that I don't really use much. and I want, I need to purge my freezer. My fridge is fine. I did that not too long ago, but my freezer, it's a whole lot of yikes in there. There's probably a ton of surprises. Yeah. There's a mom on TikTok, her name is Jess, and her handle I think is aggressive tutorials, where she's just like, I gotta make dinner again! Here we go! And she'll be like, it's frozen chicken from Costco, I don't fucking care, they're eating! And it's really refreshing, and she's like, is it good? Of course it is, because I made it! And I'm like, yeah! And, shortcuts are totally fine, and Yeah! her videos are great, and she's just annoyed the entire time, and that's how I feel all the time. Because I feel like a bad mom and a bad wife, because it's just I don't want to fucking nourish you. but that is like the patriarchy in a way that's true, but she's just so good at it. And so it's oh, yeah, we can use shortcuts. So that has been for some reason, just super helpful to something in my brain. That's 1 of the reminders that I needed to is I need to be needed to be reminded that, frozen fruits and vegetables are still fruits and vegetables and they're going to carry pretty much the same nutritional value as if I bought fresh because, I get the guilt where I'm like, you go grocery shopping and a lot of times when I grocery shop. Man, I'm like, I'm in like, I'm going to cook everything. I'm going to eat everything right mode. And so I'm like, I'm gonna get these fruits and these veggies and like fresh everything. And I'm going to make the salad four nights a week and stir fry and do this and chop this and meal prep, but it doesn't happen. That's because you take medication to go grocery shopping. So you can, yeah. And then you're not medicated anymore. But then it goes bad and then I feel guilty. Ash said that like frozen fruits and veggies are picked at like peak. And they taste really good. They really do. Costco is, has been a game changer for shortcuts. Truly. Absolutely. even they have like edamame that you can just microwave. It's just like a good snack. That's one of my go to's, honestly, because you can add it to anything. I'll add it to I'll buy like packaged ramen and I'll make ramen and I'll put edamame in it. Like giant bags of frozen fruit. I make smoothies out of them. Oh, that's the other thing. If you can't bring yourself to eat a fucking fruit and yogurt smoothie every time hits a spot. I feel good. Cause it's not main lighting freeze dried Skittles. I'm like, okay, there's yogurt in here and there's nutrients of some kind in here. And it doesn't make me want to shit my pants or barf. And yeah, they're fast too. So that has been my other great shortcut and uncrustables giant boxes of uncrustables. I just had like before the show, I had a pre show uncrustable was raspberry in case you're wondering, which is the best kind. I'm so glad you're on my side with raspberry because they're the best. I still need to try the like Costco brand ones though. I still haven't tried those. I need to do a Costco order soon, but the Costco orders are hard for me because I'm one person. and I'll do it. The other, if just eat it, so you don't have to worry about nutrition, just eat and nourish yourself is Snickers ice cream bars with chunky peanut butter, a spoonful of chunky peanut butter, and you just put it on each bite. That's really good. Yeah. I haven't had it with peanut butter, but I don't even like Snickers, but like Snickers ice cream bars, for some reason, I can get behind that. Those are so good. For sure. You absolutely need it. PB and J. Yeah. Go make you a PB and J girl. Oh, and eating weird things at the wrong meals, the wrong, like the wrong meals. So like breakfast for dinner. Oh yeah. No. Or like eating leftover Chinese food for breakfast. Pizza for breakfast. Yeah. Cause you get out of that, Oh, breakfast is sweet and cereal mentality. And you're like, I'm going to eat something. I actually want to eat. that's been really helpful to, or French bread pizza. BB and JI have to remember what you guys are saying is not for me. I'm straight up ordering groceries and I'm like, girl, you aren't burnt out. You order your veggies I'm so glad Marina and I actually, I think during the pandemic Marina and I would get on Discord and like before, after we played games or even just to talk and we would do our grocery orders together. Like we would compile our grocery orders and so like you would It was like a grocery brainstorm session, if you will, because I would be like, Oh, I'm going to get Uncrustables and then Marina would be like, Uncrustables sounds so good. I'm also going to get more peanut butter, and we just like, yeah, it was great. String cheese. Always a string cheese. Grab and go string cheese and an apple. Cheese with an apple, you guys. So good. I also hated grocery shopping for the longest time. I think one of the big things with the pandemic is just it the germs and having the sick kid that just really fucked me up for a long time but the game changer was wearing earbuds at the store and listening to a podcast and shopping and that way like it keeps my Like my, my germ anxiety under control, I don't have to look at people or interact with people and I can just do something I'm enjoying to a podcast while doing something. Is that like romanticizing your life? Is that kind of what that's like? I never really get the romanticizing your life thing. No, that's dissociating in public. Are you fucking talking about romanticizing your fucking life? No. I don't know. I don't really understand what that means. I don't. I don't get it. This is not in a way that doesn't alarm anyone else around you. Oh my god, Marina said so many Reba Fritos, oh. Our friend Shamee Winehouse, who used to stream, had a, it was a Fritos commercial, and it was Reba McIntyre, and she was like singing her song, but it was the The twisty, what is it? The barbecue, honey barbecue. Oh, now I need those. I'm probably gonna, I might be doing a grocery order. Maybe at the end of the show, we all just do a grocery order. Have you put nacho cheese on them and eat them? what? That's too much. I feel like that's too much. Okay. I did order, Auntie Anne's pretzel nuggets and a frozen lemonade for dinner the other night delivery. So I literally made a person go to a mall and pick this up for me and bring it to me. Kevin's meals are at Costco. they're delicious. I love them so much. Wait, what are Kevin's meals? I don't know, Kevin just made a bunch of like ready to go food that I mean Who's Kevin? They have everything. I don't know, but he's at Costco and he has meals and it's like food that everyone Oh. I don't know. Okay. Yeah, but they have food for everybody. Okay. I need to check that out then with my Costco order. Speaking of being sick, by the way, also, I think it's totally okay to say. Just fucking order your dinner if you're sick. Just do it. It's fine. Even if you're not sick, it's okay to order dinner. It's always okay to order dinner. If you're just the type of person who you're like, that's too much extra money for me to spend to get it delivered or whatever, that's fine. But don't knock like other people who do it and just do you. Like everybody should be eating how and when and what they want and need. And like I've said before Peanut butter, mustard, and pickled sandwiches. What was that Rebecca? I don't know. Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. but yeah, and as I've said multiple times on this podcast, as we've said, your body is nobody else's business. What you eat is nobody else's business. you need a better pickle in the sandwich. Don't let people what? What was that? Huh? Oh, I thought I heard you say something. That's weird. No, I didn't. need to order vegan hot dogs. What's that, Jamie? I need to order vegan hot dogs? Yes. Yes, please. Vegan hot dogs. Ah! I don't know what's happening, but My dogs are fucking amazing for dinner. Oh, dude, I will slice up my little vegan wieners and I'll throw them in a frying pan and just give them a good little fry and cook them that way. And then I will throw them in mac and cheese. And my favorite mac and cheese to get, I was telling somebody about this recently is the Goodles because it has extra protein and they're also delicious. Like I think Goodles mac and cheese is really good. I maybe I'm weird. I don't know, but it's. Amazing. But don't get the cacio e pepe kind, because that's disgusting. I think before we wrap this up, we are serious whenever we say during, before we have a break, Hey, go get a snack, stay hydrated, take your meds because we need that out loud reminder. and if we need it, then I'm guessing a lot of other people out there are doing the same thing. So it's not as being funny, it's us just saying it out loud to remind ourself, remind other people. Yeah, should we take a break? Is that what that segue was? Oh, no, I just, I, did we reach the end of our, I thought we reached the end of our outline. Oh, I don't even, I honestly haven't even been looking at it. I feel like just whenever, I, well, I like it because I glance at it, but usually the whole thing I don't. oh yeah, Lunchables grilled cheese. I still haven't tried it, you guys. Has anybody tried Lunchables grilled cheese that you can just pop in the toaster? We need to know. Message us. Did your mom ever have that sandwich maker? It was like an electric, I think it was sunbeam, it was white and it was electric and you would put bread in there and then whatever fillings and then it would just like it was like an incrustable where it would just seal the edges and then actually it was an OG Hot Pocket before Hot Pockets existed. but it would make the outs, it was like a panini press but it would just like it made these triangle pieces of bread with shit in the middle of it. That was molten and that sounds like a luxury that my family would never be able to have. Oh, sounds very luxurious. It really wasn't. I promise you, you did not miss out on anything. There, hold on, there are, what is a panini press? Oh, was it the panini press? There are little panini bags you can put sandwiches in and then drop them in the toaster in the bag. Forming grills with panini press is brilliant. Trying to think of other like food hacks I would do. So like for frozen things, I actually, I will microwave. So if I'm making vegan chicken nuggets, I will microwave them just for a little bit. So they're thawed, or mostly thawed at least, and then I will put them in the toaster to crisp them up. Because it won't, because they're, then they're cooked through, but then the toaster is crisping them. thank you. The air fryer has been a godsend. If you don't have a toaster oven, the air fryer is it makes things so quickly. It's delicious. It's always crispy. Thank you again. we'll see you guys next week, Thursday, 5 PM. Pacific, thank you for hanging out. you guys are awesome.

Jamie: 56:22

The Burnout Collective is hosted by me, Jamie Young.

Rebecca: 56:24

And me, Rebecca McCracken. You can find all our episodes, plus show notes, at burnoutcollective. com.

Jamie: 56:31

Follow the discord link on our website to join the burnout community. You can also find us on TikTok and Instagram.

Rebecca: 56:37

If you're interested in being a guest on a future episode or have questions or feedback. You can email us at podcast at burnout collective. com.